The October Special Guest Poet is
Joe R. Lansdale
Please feel free to visit Joe at:
WHEN I CAME DOWN TO BREAKFAST
When I came down to breakfast,
a large rhinoceros,
wearing Dad’s bathrobe
was sitting in his chair,
a cup of coffee in front of him,
some toast on a plate,
partly eaten,
the newspaper in his hands,
glasses on his nose.
I could see what was left of Dad,
squashed beneath him,
flat,
between rhino ass and chair.
But the rhino was pleasant,
and asked if I needed eggs,
scrambled,
and I said yes,
and he got up to make them.
I saw then,
Dad,
Pancaked in the chair,
except where his arms and legs hung out.
Those were not smashed,
but the truth is,
I didn’t care
one way or the other.
The eggs were good,
my lunch was packed,
and the rhino
gave me a pat on the back,
as I went out the door.
WHEN YOU’RE MAD
Don’t try to run over anyone,
even if you really want to kill them,
because if you miss,
you might hit an armadillo,
or a sign,
or a big tree,
and you might kill yourself,
and the one you meant to hit,
will think you swerved to miss.
AN ALIEN POEM
You may think this is just a poem.
You’d be wrong.
It’s a form of alien mind control.
We are the aliens.
This is our poem.
We write them because if you read them--
we got you.
You are now one of us.
We are taking over the world.
Problem.
It would take centuries
for enough people
to read poems
and become one of us.
Even poets don’t read poetry.
Hell, can you blame them?
So, we’re thinking of switching,
to encoding our thoughts
in pornographic websites
instead of poems,
or into car commercials.
We would get more people to become aliens
that way.
Whatever we decide to do
in the future,
this is the end of this poem,
and—
--HA!
We still got you sucker.
You should have stuck to video games.
BRING OUT YOUR DEAD
Bring out your dead.
Oh.
Never mind.
They smell bad.
You can keep them.
I LIE AWAKE
I lie awake,
because everyone is dead,
and there is nothing better to do,
but listen to them,
outside,
those dead ones,
walking,
tapping on windows
and doors,
calling to me
in their dry voices,
to come outside,
and play,
but one look out there
shows me,
they have no toys.
Joe R. Lansdale is the multi-award winning author of thirty novels and over two hundred short stories, articles and essays. He has written screenplays, teleplays, comic book scripts, and occasionally teaches creative writing and screenplay writing at Stephen F. Austin State University. He has received The Edgar Award, The Grinzani Prize for Literature, seven Bram Stoker Awards, and many others.
His stories Bubba Ho-Tep and Incident On and Off a Mountain Road were both filmed. He is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan, and has been in the International Martial Arts Hall of Fame four times. He lives in East Texas with his wife, Karen.
Visit Joe R. Lansdale HERE.
See all of Joe R. Lansdale's books HERE.
OUT NOW! All the Earth, Thrown to the Sky is the newest Joe R. Lansdale book.
Devil Red: The newest in the Hap and Leonard series.
Don't miss the next Joe R. Lansdale book COMING SOON:
